By Hellary Flintstone
March 26, 2020
In an attempt to capitalize from the Coronavirus pandemic, former New York resident Donald Trump offered toilet paper for all if “you vote for me.”
In a press conference in Moscow, Mr. Orange said his government will guarantee, “a nice, very nice cleaning” for those who cast a ballot for four more years of the foul-mouthed occupant of the House of Mirrors.
“We will stop this panda, panda, pandemonium for once and for all” said the Commander-in-Chief and TV personality with a smirk on his face or mask.
“Hey, listen America”, Trump yelled during the press conference. “Guess what? I’m a very nice guy, I’ll tell you what; you vote for me and I’ll print 80 million toilet rolls with my lovely face on it, capeesh?”