In an attempt to capitalize from the Coronavirus pandemic, former New York resident Donald Trump offered toilet paper for all if “you vote for me.”

In a press conference in Moscow, Mr. Orange said his government will guarantee, “a nice, very nice cleaning” for those who cast a ballot for four more years of the foul-mouthed occupant of the House of Mirrors.

“We will stop this panda, panda, pandemonium for once and for all” said the Commander-in-Chief and TV personality with a smirk on his face or mask.

“Hey, listen America”, Trump yelled during the press conference. “Guess what? I’m a very nice guy, I’ll tell you what; you vote for me and I’ll print 80 million toilet rolls with my lovely face on it, capeesh?”