Hipsters are no longer allowed on Costa Rican soil, according to a Costa Rican government press
release over the weekend. The move to ban hipsters is part of a decree that seeks to preserve the tropical rainforest and other natural wonders in the small Central American republic.

“Hipsters come to our country, consume our food, drink our water, enjoy our beautiful country and all
we get is a lousy IG post”, read the government decree. The decree also notes that “we welcome everyone with open arms but won’t let self-centered white kids to come and go as they please.”

Over the years, hipsters have become the Ugly American of yesteryear turning a blind eye on
social ills while enjoying beaches, tropical forests and other amenities. The overwhelming presence of hipsters who attend yoga retreats is actually draining the country of fresh breathable air. According to a statement by one anti-hipster grassroots organization, “too much deep breathing is affecting the
air we breathe, these privileged kids are colonizing our land by turning it into their own backyard.”

“And what’s worse”, continues the anti-hipster statement, “the constant meditation and the new age
music overshadows local music and cultural practices, giving Costa Ricans a bad image. The Costa Rican identity gets erased in the process. We are not THEM. We are not depressed hipsters or individualistic people with plenty of money to burn. We don’t romanticize poverty either. Unlike hipsters, Costa Ricans are humble and poor hard-working people.”

The Hipsters Association Princess and Prince Yonder (HAPPY) reacted to the decree by sending
“good vibes” and a big F-U to Costa Rica. “We’ll look elsewhere, another cheap country, another Banana Republic.”